Concern
by jessara40k
Summary: Sequel to Experiment. Zack talks to Sephiroth, concerned about how Cloud might be treating him and is forced to apologise for not briefing Cloud properly. ukeSephiroth.


"Seph, can I talk with you, alone?" Zack sounded oddly uncertain of his welcome, even though he'd made sure to ask when there was no one else around to hear them, and Sephiroth frowned as he responded.

"Of course. Your quarters or mine?" They'd...made love in both sets of quarters, but the more recent memories were always in Sephiroth's quarters.

"Mine please. They're closer." Sephiroth smiled at Zack and nodded, falling into stride with him as they walked together without really thinking about it.

It was always slightly shocking to see the state of Zack's rooms, the walls covered with colourful - almost garish - posters, piles of paper or books or magazines on the floor, his desk and on half the chairs to boot, games and other toys usually piled up in one corner or dumped into a box, usually open, and sometimes there were clothes piled in another corner, one that was empty today. Zack hadn't enjoyed submissive displays any more than Cloud did, and besides Sephiroth wasn't Zack's anymore, so he picked out one of the empty chairs to sit on, even before Zack sat down himself.

"What did you want to talk about?" He wouldn't want privacy to discuss the mission that had kept him out of Midgar for the last month so Sephiroth was at a loss to guess what was on Zack's mind.

"I want to apologise to you. I didn't get the chance to say anything before I got sent off to Junon, but I shouldn't have ran away after seeing Cloud bite you like that. I'm sorry, it just...really freaked me out."

"You're apologising for _that_?" Sephiroth didn't even try to hide the shock and disbelief in his voice. "It was a good thing you left so soon since I was hurting by the time Cloud understood what I needed." Even though it had only been a day since Zack had fucked him, and Sephiroth could see the disbelief on his...friend's face, so he decided to explain. "The pain grows a lot faster after I've been given to a different handler. I...thought you were going to tell him everything, so he'd understand before he got here." He didn't try to hide the sense of betrayal he'd felt when he realised that Zack had kept Cloud almost completely in the dark about his needs, had only told him what he needed to do for the transfer ritual.

"I'm sorry about that. I...I didn't understand how quickly it would hurt you if it took a while to explain what you needed. And...Cloud wasn't comfortable when I tried to explain what you needed, he didn't seem to believe me so I thought he'd only believe it coming from you." Zack moved forward to kneel in front of Sephiroth, resting one hand on his knee in a gesture that conceded nothing in the way of...control, leaving them still on a more or less equal footing. But it was something Zack wouldn't have done before he gave Sephiroth to Cloud, and somehow that bothered him a bit, as did the contact, even though they'd shared much more intimate touches before.

"I...you need to apologise to _Cloud_ first, when he tells me that he's accepted your apology I'll do the same." For all that Cloud had permitted him unprecedented liberties in his experience with his handlers he was conscious of the fact that the younger man had been equally injured by Zack's negligence and Cloud could easily stop him spending his off-duty time with Zack. He knew that Cloud was unlikely to do that, or hold much of a grudge against Zack for manipulating him and leaving him with so little information, but it wouldn't hurt to remind Zack that he didn't have the same level of power over Sephiroth and advantage over Cloud that he was used to, not entirely. "He doesn't know you're back yet, does he? Cloud probably missed you more than I did...you told me yourself that he's as isolated as I am so he'll probably forgive you pretty easily, _if_ you have the decency to apologise to him."

"I will, I promise. I'll apologise to him as soon as I get him alone." Zack stood as he spoke, clearly uncomfortable to Sephiroth's eyes, even if he masked it under his customary grin and switched subjects a bit. "Did it work? _Will_ Hojo be finding a way to make Cloud into a SOLDIER?"

"And more. He's experimenting with weekly micro doses of Mako instead of risking three larger doses the way he normally makes SOLDIERs, and so eventually Cloud's supposed to become my equal, as Hojo isn't planning to stop the doses when he hits 1st class." Sephiroth bit his lip as he realised that he'd probably told Zack more than he should...but when he'd belonged to Zack the man had insisted on near total openness from him, and he hadn't quite got out of the habit yet. He hadn't realised that he'd _need_ to, but this told him that he did, that even if Zack wouldn't abuse his trust he would find himself being indiscreet if he didn't break that particular habit.

"How'd you feel about that then? I know it's _Cloud's_ dream, but does it bother you?" Zack watched Sephiroth as he sat back down, and Sephiroth resisted the urge to duck his head and avoid his friend's gaze.

"Why would it? I'd _like_ to not have to hold back and be careful all the time, to have at least one person who can stand up to my full strength." Zack flinched at that, Sephiroth hadn't meant to upset him, but he resisted the urge to apologise, because that would reveal too much.

"Instead of having to be careful the way you did with me?" Zack sounded just a little bitter about that, but Sephiroth would _not_ let himself feel guilty about hurting him with his words. He certainly couldn't use his full strength in sparring with Zack; he always had to hold back, and check that Zack was uninjured after every spar, and Zack was the very closest to an equal in combat that he had.

"I have to be _more_ careful with Cloud at the moment, but I can wait for him to gain the strength Hojo's promising. It would be nice if one of his experiments worked out well for me, instead of..."

"Only causing you pain, and imprisoning you. I understand Sephiroth. I'm sorry I hurt you so badly in the last few months." Sephiroth didn't entirely like the guilt and hinted distance in Zack's voice and he cast about for something to change it. The sense of formality that came from hearing Zack use his full name brought it to his attention that he was behaving more distantly than he usually did with Zack, and he leaned forward to pull his boots off.

"We are still friends though? I need that." The best way to get Zack to do what he wanted in personal matters had always been to show Zack that it was what he needed as well, and Sephiroth saw no reason to change that. "Cloud...he's a lover but not a friend, not the same way you are."

"Yeah, we're still friends. We were friends before we started fucking weren't we?" Zack smiled at him in reassurance and Sephiroth stretched, making a show of relaxing.

"Yes, we were. Angeal chose you to replace him because of that, and because you weren't scared of me the way most are. Cloud...he's still a bit nervous around me and I have to remember not to damage his confidence too badly." This was the sort of thing he'd missed sharing with Zack; until his friend got involved with Aeris he'd always been willing to listen to Sephiroth complain about things, even about him, and it was the one outlet he had that _didn't_ involve violence.

"Well, he should get more confident when he joins a SOLDIER unit, and when he starts outperforming them all, right?"

"True. I won't start sparring with him until he hits 2nd class, but I think he'll surprise you the next time you cross swords with him. He's only had three doses and he's already got reactions like the new SOLDIERs 3rd class get after their second shot of Mako - the higher end of the range at that. Hojo approves of him too." Sephiroth stretched in his seat before leaning back and closing his eyes in a show of trust and relaxation.

"Hojo approves of him? How did he manage that? Is Cloud taking advantage of your situation or something?" Zack's voice sharpened in concern, and Sephiroth heard him shifting in his seat, probably wanting to come and _touch_ him for comfort, even though he knew Sephiroth didn't see touch as a form of comfort the way he did.

"No, no he isn't taking advantage of the control he has over me." Sephiroth opened his eyes and leaned forward, biting his lip as he tried to decide what he could say that _wouldn't_ be too much in the way of intimate detail. "But when we talked to Hojo about exactly how he was going to make Cloud into a SOLDIER he...challenged Hojo over the fact that he was my first handler."

"Hojo was your first handler?" Sephiroth quickly repressed the anger he felt on realising that Zack had never bothered to wonder why he was so _obedient_ to the scientist, and the exasperation at having to defend the man who'd taken his virginity again.

"Yes. He was the only real choice. Anyone who would have volunteered could hardly be trusted to both restrain himself to what was necessary, and continue for as long as it was needed. And someone who had to be ordered into becoming my handler couldn't be relied on to give me what I needed."

"Right, I get that. It's just...I thought he was your _father_." Sephiroth couldn't quite see the problem - it wasn't as if he could get pregnant by Hojo after all. He shrugged and ran a hand through his hair as he looked at Zack through half-closed eyes.

"My biological father yes, but he never _acted_ like my father. Anyway, I spoke out of turn and Cloud came up with a quick explanation to cover it when Hojo questioned him about keeping his control over me. The way he explained impressed Hojo, and convinced him that Cloud knew how to use his power over me. It probably helped a bit that Cloud dismissed me once Hojo had explained everything." Sephiroth shrugged, he was almost certain Zack would react badly to that even though he hadn't minded being 'ordered' to leave the labs and get away from Hojo. The brunet had never been in the position of having to put on a show of his ability to keep Sephiroth under control; it had been assumed that because Zack was a SOLDIER 1st class he could handle it.

"Cloud _dismissed_ you?" At least Zack only sounded disbelieving rather than angry about that, so Sephiroth decided to explain a bit.

"Better that than risking Hojo deciding to have some extra tests run while he had me in the lab." He made a point of smiling at Zack as he shifted in his seat to make it clear that he didn't have any problems with that.

"Oh, you'd arranged it beforehand to help put on a show for Hojo, right?"

"I'd told Cloud I didn't want to spend any more time with Hojo than I had to, yes." That wasn't exactly what Zack was asking, but...he didn't seem to notice that Sephiroth had evaded the question slightly.

"So he's treating you all right then?" Was Zack still on about that? Sephiroth wondered what would make him stop worrying at his relationship with Cloud, without making _Sephiroth_ feel as if he'd betrayed a confidence.

"Are you trying to ask about our sex life? The one time it wasn't...necessity Cloud let me take him, but I find I prefer to be taken. He doesn't require my submission to his will, or for me to remain totally passive. And he allows me more control than I'm used to." Should he add a comparison that would be unfavourable to Zack? He thought it was likely to finally force him to shut up about his suspicions of Cloud. "Even with you."

"I...right. I'm sorry to bug you about it like this. It's just...that bite..."

"What about it?" Sephiroth smiled at Zack as he shrugged his indifference. "I heal quickly and you obviously didn't explain things fully enough to let him know he didn't _need_ to break the skin."

"No, I just said bite. I didn't realise he'd think he had to draw blood. I'm sorry again." He shook his head unhappily, and seemed to realise that Sephiroth wanted to just let the subject be, at last. "I haven't offered you a drink yet have I? What do you want?"

"Water would be fine, thank you." He didn't bother to get up as Zack fetched the water, bringing back a beer for himself.

"Here you go, sorry about the state of the room." Sephiroth was surprised to hear Zack apologise about that; he never had before, but...looking around he could see that the room _looked_ neglected somehow rather than giving the impression of comfortable clutter the way it always had before.

"Thank you and don't worry about it." He hoped that was something appropriate for him to say, but he didn't socialise much, so he couldn't be certain. Still, Zack did seem to relax a bit, so he was probably right. "Have you had the chance to meet with Aeris since you came back?"

"No, but I've got four days leave so I'll be spending some of that with her as well as with you, if you've got any time for me. And I got a chance to see her the day I gave you to Cloud, so she knows we're not...involved any more."

"I'm on duty, but if you have time for me outside of duty hours I'm willing. Except for the day after tomorrow, that's when I'm with Cloud."

"You know when you're going to need him already?" Zack sounded equally impressed and annoyed by the idea. "Does that mean you need him often?" Sephiroth was usually _very_ bad at reading subtext, but he could tell that Zack was worried about the prospect that he'd handed Sephiroth over to Cloud because Sephiroth needed his attention too often, only for Sephiroth to become just as dependent on Cloud, only worse, because _Cloud_ didn't have a girlfriend pulling his attention away from Sephiroth.

"We're not sure what the longest time I can be without his...attention is. Mako does induce changes on the genetic level, so he needs to...re-establish his bond with me once a week. Cloud decided that directly after his Mako shot was the best time." Sephiroth smiled, at the moment he agreed, but he was a bit apprehensive about what it would be like when Cloud had more stamina, and was more aggressive, say when he hit the level of a SOLDIER 1st.

"What the fuck? _After_ a Mako dose? How can he be in any condition to fuck then?" Sephiroth smiled, remembering how shocked _he'd_ been when he realised how the Mako shots affected Cloud, and he was fairly sure Cloud wouldn't mind if he let Zack know about it.

"Cloud has an...idiosyncratic response to Mako."

"What, it makes him horny?"

"And it really boosts his stamina, yes." Sephiroth took another drink of his water, shutting his eyes in pleased remembrance and ignoring the way Zack choked on his beer - he _hadn't_ deliberately timed his statement to get that reaction from his friend, but Zack had done the same sort of thing to him often enough in the past that he felt no guilt about it.

"All right, you got me there." Sephiroth opened his eyes to see that Zack had recovered and was watching him with an odd intensity. "But...were you serious, and do you actually _like_ that?"

"You taught me not to lie to you two years ago, do you really think a month is long enough to break that habit?" Sephiroth let a hint of bitterness show in his voice as he spoke; of all people he'd never thought _Zack_ would have taken advantage of the power being his handler gave him over Sephiroth and he'd only just realised how subtly Zack had exerted control by demanding absolute honesty. "Especially when I only realised it was there to be broken this very evening. And while I can still wear Cloud out this quirk of his pleases me. When it changes...well, Hojo did promise to give us breaks so we could determine how long I can be separated from him, in case it is needed for a mission. I can probably convince him to change the timing during one of those." Sephiroth shrugged, even if Cloud's personality changed enough that he _couldn't_ convince his handler to change the timing once it became obvious that Cloud was wearing Sephiroth out he was sure the blond wouldn't be as demanding as Angeal had been sometimes, or deliberately hurt him.

"I didn't..." Zack looked equal parts shocked and confused, shaking his head uncertainly. "I didn't _mean_ to do that to you at least. And I was always just as honest with you." Except he wasn't, not really; Zack had hidden the fact that he was...involved with Aeris until Sephiroth had realised his handler was pulling away from him emotionally, Sephiroth would never have been able to do that. Still, he could hardly _tell_ Zack that.

"I believe you, just please believe me when I say that Cloud's good for me. I have to work on his self-confidence, and I need you to help me with that, but I honestly prefer a handler who needs me rather than someone who doesn't." At least it gave Sephiroth a bit of a hold over Cloud, a hold he'd never had over any other handler, and something that made him feel a lot safer. It was probably the reason Cloud had allowed him to keep control of their relationship as well, and he hoped he could establish that as a pattern before it occurred to Cloud that Sephiroth wasn't supposed to have _any_ control at all.

"I...right, if you say so." Zack shook his head, and _finally_ changed the subject, letting Sephiroth relax as his friend cued him in on some of the things he tended to miss.


End file.
